My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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