I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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