Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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