In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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