Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize