so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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