I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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