Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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