whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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