I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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