I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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