I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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