great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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