eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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