It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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