He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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