operation have a gay friend backfired
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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