On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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