Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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