Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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