I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
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i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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