And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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