I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize