who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize