i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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