I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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