I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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