I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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