My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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