Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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