It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
should my penis look like a turkey
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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