So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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