wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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