I want to walk on stilts...naked
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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