Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so let's talk penis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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