dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize