she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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