Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize