if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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