I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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