Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So squirting runs in the family.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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