he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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