I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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