idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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