I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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