i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize