you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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