You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize