You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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