I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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